Baby Shoes, Little Doggies*
Feb. 4th, 2011 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
familyvaluesWe’re getting the house ready enough for Audrey’s mom to come help us organize on Sunday. She’s never been to our place, and we aren’t tidy people. I’m not someone with boundless physical energy, so I’m taking a deep breath and prioritizing, and getting over my bad self to ask for help. Audrey’s mom, however, is a good organizer, and offered. So I need at least to make it so that it can be organized at all.
We are not ready, we will never be ready. I can imagine being up in the night with a crying infant but I know I'll be overwhelmed when it happens. I’m looking at the spot the 40-pound dog of my heart spends her nights in, tucked up against my chest or belly between me and the edge of the bed, and knowing we need to work something out so that she’s not between me and the baby when he’s in his bassinet next to the bed. (Though honestly, that might not be an issue, Audrey will be living here for long enough that he might be out of a bassinet and in his crib by the time he’s spending nights in my room, in which case I’ll only need to work out a way not to get wholly hemmed in by the total of 150 lbs of dog that sleeps in my bed every night.)
Which brings me to: Audrey is moving in soon. We will all three (then four, when the baby comes, unless you add the dogs, which will make seven, with the chickens remaining outside) be living in this small house for a small-few weeks prior to the baby’s arrival, and a few months afterward, while Audrey breastfeeds and we all bond.
Some people are a bit surprised that we aren’t all living together already, or don’t plan to for a long time afterward, but we all like privacy and space, Casey and Audrey especially, so though we harbor dreams of sharing some sort of larger, more separable physical space one day, we aren’t making those plans for Soon. In the meantime, I’m quite sure we’ll continue to get along fine, especially once the house is a little tidier.
I’m also starting to feel the bumps as Coming Out As A Poly Family to people who will know, or need to know, but seriously won’t get it. For instance: We have gone to the same pharmacy for years, with pharmacists and assistants who have known us well. It’s one reason we like it. This pharmacy sold us Clomid when I tried to get pregnant, they know we’ve tried, and couldn’t, or didn’t. And in a couple of months, I’ll wander in there to pick up my medications and I’ll have an infant in a sling, and he will be on our insurance, he will be Ours.
It feels disingenuous to say, "Oh, we adopted him." I mean, I will -- but he’s Casey’s biological son, and all-of-our son, it’s not quite the same as adoption. It feels fake not to say, "Our family is complicated, and …." People want to know, this is new and interesting to them. Folks at the dog park know danged well I haven’t been pregnant, and I’ll be wandering in there with a baby. They come from all sorts of backgrounds, and it’s a social place, we converse. I’m not afraid of their judgement, it’s just that socially, there will need to be some sort of explanations, and I’m not sure what to say.
What do you do? What do you say? How do you respond?
If you have no idea, but could share this post with other people who have been through remotely similar situations, I’d love to get a variety of ideas.
- Mary
*The title came with the photo. I think it's appropriate because, well, baby, and I do mention dogs in this post. ;)
I love these shoes, and if you click through and look at the profile there, you'll see that the maker sells the pattern. I am hoping to make baby shoes with her patterns. If you have scrap cloth that would be cute and would like to make us (or other kids) shoes like that, we'd be fine with it, as we want to support her cute shoe business.
**Yes, he has an alarm on his phone
In IM today:
Casey: 35 weeks** ;)
Me: yes :D
Me: Think of it this way: 4-6 weeks to go
Me: TOTAL
Casey: Yarr. :)
We are not ready, we will never be ready. I can imagine being up in the night with a crying infant but I know I'll be overwhelmed when it happens. I’m looking at the spot the 40-pound dog of my heart spends her nights in, tucked up against my chest or belly between me and the edge of the bed, and knowing we need to work something out so that she’s not between me and the baby when he’s in his bassinet next to the bed. (Though honestly, that might not be an issue, Audrey will be living here for long enough that he might be out of a bassinet and in his crib by the time he’s spending nights in my room, in which case I’ll only need to work out a way not to get wholly hemmed in by the total of 150 lbs of dog that sleeps in my bed every night.)
Which brings me to: Audrey is moving in soon. We will all three (then four, when the baby comes, unless you add the dogs, which will make seven, with the chickens remaining outside) be living in this small house for a small-few weeks prior to the baby’s arrival, and a few months afterward, while Audrey breastfeeds and we all bond.
Some people are a bit surprised that we aren’t all living together already, or don’t plan to for a long time afterward, but we all like privacy and space, Casey and Audrey especially, so though we harbor dreams of sharing some sort of larger, more separable physical space one day, we aren’t making those plans for Soon. In the meantime, I’m quite sure we’ll continue to get along fine, especially once the house is a little tidier.
I’m also starting to feel the bumps as Coming Out As A Poly Family to people who will know, or need to know, but seriously won’t get it. For instance: We have gone to the same pharmacy for years, with pharmacists and assistants who have known us well. It’s one reason we like it. This pharmacy sold us Clomid when I tried to get pregnant, they know we’ve tried, and couldn’t, or didn’t. And in a couple of months, I’ll wander in there to pick up my medications and I’ll have an infant in a sling, and he will be on our insurance, he will be Ours.
It feels disingenuous to say, "Oh, we adopted him." I mean, I will -- but he’s Casey’s biological son, and all-of-our son, it’s not quite the same as adoption. It feels fake not to say, "Our family is complicated, and …." People want to know, this is new and interesting to them. Folks at the dog park know danged well I haven’t been pregnant, and I’ll be wandering in there with a baby. They come from all sorts of backgrounds, and it’s a social place, we converse. I’m not afraid of their judgement, it’s just that socially, there will need to be some sort of explanations, and I’m not sure what to say.
What do you do? What do you say? How do you respond?
If you have no idea, but could share this post with other people who have been through remotely similar situations, I’d love to get a variety of ideas.
- Mary
*The title came with the photo. I think it's appropriate because, well, baby, and I do mention dogs in this post. ;)
I love these shoes, and if you click through and look at the profile there, you'll see that the maker sells the pattern. I am hoping to make baby shoes with her patterns. If you have scrap cloth that would be cute and would like to make us (or other kids) shoes like that, we'd be fine with it, as we want to support her cute shoe business.
**Yes, he has an alarm on his phone
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-05 06:17 am (UTC)Also, I completely sympathize with you in any possible feeling of "Ohmigod we can't possibly be ready in time!" FOGcon is coming fast. Too fast. It's almost here.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-05 06:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-05 10:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-05 07:49 pm (UTC)It took me a while to learn to just say "I don't have a father" if people asked me about my parents, rather than getting into a much more complicated explanation. But socially, that's true, and "socially" is generally all that's relevant when it comes to family. So-called biological relationships usually seem to get used as a tool by people who want to tell you that you aren't real. Why give them the weapon?