familyvalues

Say you were a parent of a smart, active toddler, and were looking forward to probable but not definite homeschooling. Let's assume from the very start that you are a strong-agnostic queer-friendly household and would rather not promote homophobia or discrimination against queer people.

Let's say you really believe in Girl Scouts and think they rock, but assume that your kid is not going to be within that gender range by the time he's the right age.

Do you consider Boy Scouts for a few years down the line?

I have friends who would never consider them because they still don't allow queer people to be leaders at least, and because they still have loose rules about God.

owenP1040114

I have friends who point out that some troops are liberal as far as those things go and think it's more important to get involved as a liberal, queer-friendly parent and change things from the inside.

I have friends who think that what the BSA offers as an organization and what troops offer on the ground level are more important than the BSA's problems, and can't be easily gained elsewhere.

I'd also consider Navigators (which would probably mean starting a group) and less likely, Spiral Scouts. Campfire has changed a lot since I was in (what was then) Campfire Girls when I was little, it's more after-school oriented like the Y now than it is like a scouting group. (That was a vital need and I'm glad someone filled it, but it's not what we're looking for.)

What social, extracurricular, nature-and-service oriented groups would you consider for your kid? Gender-specificity is both okay with us and not essential.

~~~

Dreamwidth allows openID posting, so if you don't have an account, you can still respond here, but if you saw my link on LJ, G+, or FB and want to answer there, feel free. And that leads me to another question: I'm pondering changing platforms to something like wordpress and just linking that to places like DW and those above. Opinions? Alternatives, better ideas, etc.? Which platform might engender more interaction? (Yes, I know writing differently and more often would help.)

Also, Owen turned one a couple of weeks ago, I want to make a post about that, and have had a million distractions and time-eaters (including the boy himself comprising about 500k of those) in the way of doing it "right." I'll do it by the end of this weekend, though. I want to make a nice post and all. ;)

Current Location: home
Current Music: silence

owenIMG_0259, a photo by marymactavish on Flickr.

Owen was born six months ago today, by calendar month, and of course, that's now a bit more than 24 weeks.

Except for size, he's mostly right on schedule, and given his genetic background (Casey's big-boned and somehow, at the same time, lanky; Audrey's not petite) Owen's size is unsurprising. Currently he's in the 90-95th percentile for height and creeping up fast on weight and weight-to-height. His head size is off the chart but healthy, “It could just be a growth spurt," says the doctor. At any rate, he's in anywhere from 9month to 2T clothing depending on whether the shirt has neck buttons, crotch snaps, or is in a brand that tends to run small. I'm loving 2T, he is a wiggler these days, so those are easy for me to put him in.

Owen babbles like a babbling fiend, and can say “Obama" now and then, but of course, he fits “da" and “geh" and “bagabah" and blowing raspberries all in exactly the same context – but then, so do I.

His smiles still light up a room, and do so often. We say he has a little jar with which he collects souls, and when someone notices him in public and he beams at them, and you can see them melt a little, the jar goes “ka-ching" and he collects a soul. Yesterday, he collected the souls of two rather burly firefighters at the supermarket, and I caught them making goochie noises from the next lane over.

He's also more easily frustrated than ever before. He seems to set goals high for himself, and though he can flip over and get most places fast on his belly, he wants to move, to crawl, to walk, right now. Like many babies his age, he likes to have his hands held for support as he slowly walks around the room. Mostly we let him do things along the lines of Magda Gerber's theories, just in that we think it's fine for him to be frustrated and figure things out or be patient while we're nearby so he's safe and feels supported, and sometimes he even does and is, but we also just have fun with him trying out the walking around. I don't think any single development theory has all the answers.

He's clearly happy and thriving and we're not worried.

We've moved to a new home (that post is coming in a couple of days) and he's got his own room now, and has just started sleeping all night there, or nearly all night, waking up now and then for a feed or a diaper.

He adores DJ, and he is her puppy. She's mostly patient with him, and we're teaching him to pet gently, but of course, at his fine motor stage, sometimes a fur-grab is all he can do, and she'll just get up and move away – her teaching method is probably at least as good as ours. Sadly, we're almost down to one dog – Sadie died last month, and Zoe's cancer will take her very soon, but for Owen, DJ has been the go-to dog anyhow. I hope that she lives long enough for him to remember her, as they've really got something going already.

Our new place is a block from a wonderful park with wonderful playgrounds, and it's got baby bucket swings that he loves. I sit on the ground in front of him and push gently, and he squeals … until he sees something, anything, more interesting, children playing, geese squabbling, it doesn't matter. Everything is interesting. He's not done swinging, he just wants to stop to focus. He also enjoys just lying or sitting (he can sit upright for very long periods but can't get to sitting himself just yet) and watching the kids in the playground. He seems to be studying them.

He is eating some solids now: a little cereal, also blueberries, strawberries, bananas, mango, grapes, watermelon, canteloupe. We feed him squished stuff off our fingers, or sometimes a spoon, but mostly through mesh feeders. He starts kicking when he sees the mesh feeder arriving, he is a huge fan of food.

All in all, he's so much fun, and also exhausting, frustrating, and fun. I love his naps, and I love seeing his smile when he awakens.

I so very love being part of this family, the people who love Owen together, the people who get along. We take care of each other, our extended families take care of us too. I feel rich.

With the dogs being sick and dying, and the big move to this new place, and my RA flaring up big time, I've been a bit overwhelmed for even thinking about blogging, but I've got a few posts queued in my brain. Mostly, I want to write about moving to our new place, having it become a basic suburban house-with-baby, fitting into the new (lovely, friendly, but somewhat old-school familywise) neighborhood, and feeling like family; and I want to write about how I've had to modify my attachment parenting expectations (which were already modified for realism on my part) to suit both a multiple-parent household and my chronic pain escalation. As usual, sometimes your questions or interests help guide how I write, so if you're wondering anything specific about either of those, or anything else, please ask: I'll answer what and how I can.

This journal started as more of a family-making diary so friends and family could follow the progress of this stage for us, Audrey's pregnancy, and how we're getting ready for the baby, but since then, there are more general readers who didn't know us before, and I figure I'll write a quickie introduction. I'll relink it now and then, if needed.

Hi there!
I'm Mary, middle-aged, happy. Casey is my husband. We raise rescued dogs and a few chickens on a tiny bit of property in the San Francisco bay area. Audrey is Casey's other partner. Casey and I have never had a monogamous relationship in the decade and a half we've been together, and that works very well for us. He and Audrey are very close, and I'm delighted with how happy they make each other.

A couple of years ago, the three of us got talking about family-making. It's now a time in which we are all at the same time ready and able to have a family, only I can't conceive, and Audrey isn't ready to be a primary parent. I'm ready to be a primary parent, and Audrey can conceive -- and did, last summer. So now we have a baby on the way, due in March. We are all three parents, but I'm going to be the one with the child-raising experience, the willingness, and the time to do most of the direct caregiving.

Please feel free to cruise through my past posts -- there aren't too many -- and ask any questions you like. I'll answer whatever I can as well as I can. (If I feel like they're too personal I might be vague or let you know what I can't answer, and I go out of my way to respect Audrey and Casey's personal boundaries here, so what's not TMI for Mary usually might be TMI here. They also have the password to this account and might either write something themselves one day, or simply answer your questions here, or you might not get an answer.)

If you're one of the readers I don't already know well or personally, feel free to introduce yourself, perhaps telling us what your interest in our family is, or tell us where you know me (or one of us) from elsewhere, or even just say hi.

If you do not have a dreamwidth account, feel free to use OpenID. And though some people comment on the livejournal feed and I don't mind, I would prefer that people also paste those comments into comments here, so I am notified about them.

- Mary

We reach this point next weekend:

He was sleeping just like that during the ultrasound, and required some tickling to get him to move to see his genitals, or even to get good angles on his other organs. On the other hand, he keeps Audrey awake at night. He seems to be nocturnal.

Beginning later today, I am going to try to make the unlocked posts in this blog more of a "gestating a family with three-parent alternative-poly-stuff" contents in the public posts, along with the basic public baby stuff I've shared, while using the locked posts more for stuff I'd share with friends/family reading this -- so if I know you well enough for those, you'll need to get a dreamwidth account (I can give you access numbers if I have them, or you can pay the tiny amount of money dreamwidth needs) to see those. I might mirror some of them in my own livejournal as well.

This is because I've actually received some requests to write about our experience with this! If dreamwidth proves to be the wrong platform for it, I'll move it to wordpress or blogger, but I love my little "family values" moniker so much, and am not likely to get that elsewhere.

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scouting options, advice appreciated

Owen's first six months

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May 2015

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