familyvalues (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
familyvalues) wrote2010-11-14 10:37 am
familyvalues) wrote2010-11-14 10:37 am
gender is as gender does
Thing is:
When I'm choosing clothes, I'm choosing neutral to "boy" clothing (though nothing especially macho, specifically rejecting a fair bit of the more real-boy stuff out there), but I'm not going 100% gender-free, and I'm not going full range of gender-expression yet. While he's an infant, I'm fine with that, as it's probable that he's cisgender, and it's easy.
There's a little bit of me that feels guilty about that, as a modern-thinking feminist parent: How can I impose gender on my child like that? What am I thinking.
It's sort of sad that I could dress a girl in shirts with construction equipment and soccer balls and have that be more socially acceptable than to dress a boy in a tutu and tights. I'm willing, with children, to let that social experiment be gradual. He'll definitely have the options in dress up clothes, and if he wants to wear a tutu out when he's 3 or 4 and dressing himself, if it's a place that would be appropriate for a girl to wear a tutu? Whatever. But for now, I'm leaning slightly to one side of the gender-neutral line.
He will be surrounded by strong men and women, determined men and women, soft and compassionate men and women -- and a lot of in-between. He will be fine.
(edit to add, from elsewhere, a friend's comment:
I wouldn't fret over it. Gender can't be 'imposed' from without. He'll figure it out pretty much no matter what you do.)
When I'm choosing clothes, I'm choosing neutral to "boy" clothing (though nothing especially macho, specifically rejecting a fair bit of the more real-boy stuff out there), but I'm not going 100% gender-free, and I'm not going full range of gender-expression yet. While he's an infant, I'm fine with that, as it's probable that he's cisgender, and it's easy.
There's a little bit of me that feels guilty about that, as a modern-thinking feminist parent: How can I impose gender on my child like that? What am I thinking.
It's sort of sad that I could dress a girl in shirts with construction equipment and soccer balls and have that be more socially acceptable than to dress a boy in a tutu and tights. I'm willing, with children, to let that social experiment be gradual. He'll definitely have the options in dress up clothes, and if he wants to wear a tutu out when he's 3 or 4 and dressing himself, if it's a place that would be appropriate for a girl to wear a tutu? Whatever. But for now, I'm leaning slightly to one side of the gender-neutral line.
He will be surrounded by strong men and women, determined men and women, soft and compassionate men and women -- and a lot of in-between. He will be fine.
(edit to add, from elsewhere, a friend's comment:
I wouldn't fret over it. Gender can't be 'imposed' from without. He'll figure it out pretty much no matter what you do.)
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I'm not keeping the macho clothing (e.g. matching "tough guy" shirt and bib), I'm setting aside the basic baby girl clothing that I really like (like the very basic cotton dress with pears on it, just lovely) in case the doctor's assessment is wrong (she gave us about a 90% chance of penis on that one body part, it wasn't super obvious but didn't seem to be anything else), and mostly, it's denim jeans and overalls, a variety of bright colors of cotton knit pants, and a variety of bright colors of tops, about half of which have dogs on them. One of my favorite brands so far, that I've gone a bit ebay nuts on, is Zutano, as it's the best combination of mostly-unisex and mostly-fabulous, and gorgeous plus practical.
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