wallowing in love
People suck, I hear from time to time, and I get warnings from polyamorous people whose families aren’t supportive.
I understand that, and I really do commiserate, but I’m feeling relatively confident in ours. Casey’s mom gave us a gorgeous baby gift long before Audrey ever conceived, and some of our relatives have made it clear, before we even asked, that family is family, and that they won't expect their DNA relationship to the baby to determine familial connections.
My youngest relative, grand-niece Emma, turned three last week, and I attended her birthday party with Casey and Audrey. There I met two of her grandpas, both my ex-brother-in-laws (“family of choice” there, too, grandpa and ex-step-grandpa are both as much family as anyone else, or moreso, as family is as family does), both of whom I’d known in childhood or young adulthood, and neither of whom I’d seen in years, even decades.
I had no idea what they’d be like now, but I decided a long time ago not to be closeted anymore, with regard to my family life. Knowing me means respecting my family. So I introduced Casey and Audrey as “my husband,” and “this is Audrey, Casey’s partner.” And it’s not like I can say, “We don’t need to tell them she’s pregnant,” as there’s just no hiding it anymore. She’s got quite the baby-belly.
And you know what? Not one of them blinked. They weren’t trying to hide shock, they were just happy for us. All of them, the grandpas, and the one wife (step-grandma, family is as ...) who was there were glad. And later, I got a message from the other step-grandma, who couldn’t be there, congratulating us on the baby.
There have been relatives confused and then concerned for us, absolutely. I can’t say no one has furrowed their brow and asked questions. But they asked, they didn’t judge behind our backs. They got their questions answered, then moved on. We’re clearly grownups, we’re clearly taking important issues into consideration and managing them; we’re clearly fine.
There are a lot of blended families in my life, and in my extended family. There are step-relatives, and there are former spouses who are still family, and we are there for each other, in very non-dramatic and loving and non-dependent ways, just *there*, because family means something very special to us, well beyond DNA, and we try to treat it with care.
I understand that, and I really do commiserate, but I’m feeling relatively confident in ours. Casey’s mom gave us a gorgeous baby gift long before Audrey ever conceived, and some of our relatives have made it clear, before we even asked, that family is family, and that they won't expect their DNA relationship to the baby to determine familial connections.
My youngest relative, grand-niece Emma, turned three last week, and I attended her birthday party with Casey and Audrey. There I met two of her grandpas, both my ex-brother-in-laws (“family of choice” there, too, grandpa and ex-step-grandpa are both as much family as anyone else, or moreso, as family is as family does), both of whom I’d known in childhood or young adulthood, and neither of whom I’d seen in years, even decades.
I had no idea what they’d be like now, but I decided a long time ago not to be closeted anymore, with regard to my family life. Knowing me means respecting my family. So I introduced Casey and Audrey as “my husband,” and “this is Audrey, Casey’s partner.” And it’s not like I can say, “We don’t need to tell them she’s pregnant,” as there’s just no hiding it anymore. She’s got quite the baby-belly.
And you know what? Not one of them blinked. They weren’t trying to hide shock, they were just happy for us. All of them, the grandpas, and the one wife (step-grandma, family is as ...) who was there were glad. And later, I got a message from the other step-grandma, who couldn’t be there, congratulating us on the baby.
There have been relatives confused and then concerned for us, absolutely. I can’t say no one has furrowed their brow and asked questions. But they asked, they didn’t judge behind our backs. They got their questions answered, then moved on. We’re clearly grownups, we’re clearly taking important issues into consideration and managing them; we’re clearly fine.
There are a lot of blended families in my life, and in my extended family. There are step-relatives, and there are former spouses who are still family, and we are there for each other, in very non-dramatic and loving and non-dependent ways, just *there*, because family means something very special to us, well beyond DNA, and we try to treat it with care.