Mar. 6th, 2011

IMG_0194.jpg by ljellis
IMG_0194.jpg a photo by ljellis on Flickr.
Now, when things "should" be getting more stressed ... well, they actually are, but they aren't getting worse for us, not upsetting, just sort of basic stress. And we're handling it well as a team.

Casey and I have built up a strong relationship for nearly 15 years. Polyamory wasn't instantly easy, nor was communication and emotional intimacy but I think we both saw early on that we had the start of something that could be amazing, and we were willing to do a lot, both in terms of emotional risk and vigilant work to keep our relationship growing and strengthening.

I can't speak for Audrey and Casey (and though they both have the password here and can write/respond if they want, they aren't very bloggy types) but I know they've really liked each other, and I watched the love grow from a little less than five years ago now, and knew when Casey was falling in love. And something about how Audrey and Casey are for each other, how much they like and love each other not in spite of who they really are, or for each other's potential, but for who they are right now, speaks to me, as it is how Casey and I are for each other as well.

So here we are today, with this baby bidin' his sweet time but who will definitely be out one way or another within a couple of weeks, and this is the time when I feel like if we're going to start wigging out, it'll be now, and we're not. Instead, I tidied some bits that still needed tidying (and every single wash load of my own I've done in the past four weeks has ended up with a bib or a tiny sock or pair of leggings in it ... this will never end, will it?) and Casey helped Audrey make brilliantly good pizza from scratch and did some other things, and this is just how our days are going. There are stressors, like Casey's deadlines at work before family leave, and that I'm having sudden waves of "I'm sore and disabled and why do Casey and Audrey, or anyone for that matter, think I can be a good mother?" and I'm tired already, but we're all taking care of each other, almost (it seems) effortlessly.

Last night, Casey wrapped his arms around me and told me all the reasons he loves to be with me and why he thinks I'll be a good mother, and I absorbed it and let him tell me, and asked him to elaborate and explain, which isn't my usual way ... and it was nice.

Yup. I think we're ready.

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